I have lived in a society, where people think being a woman as well as a divorcee (baca: janda) is something a courteous woman should keep in secrecy. So did I, that I never openly shared or confirmed. I wanted people to see me as I am, not as a janda – as I know they would feel sorry for me or mock me. I was so fancy that people would not realise that I am a janda as well as a single parent.
Overtime, I became quite proficient at looking after and managing my life, as a person as well as a parent – covering almost every aspect in our life, be it economically, socially, spiritually, and emotionally. My daughter and I – we were both happy and content. I got so good at it, in fact, I actually preferred this life. I truly enjoyed this life and felt very grateful every single moment that to me this life was just perfect. Because through juggling my life and had almost no time to waste, not only I tasted freedom but also I strengthened my core, physically and mentally. In the midst of what for other people seemed to be a tough life, I found my life is full of amazement and I am at peace with the world. . . similar to that of a wonderful journey.
I never think about what other people think anymore, but I am still a divorcee – a janda. I still do not intentionally share or confirm my status. But occasionally when people know that I don’t feel sorry for being a janda – instead they know that I am very happy and proud, most of them think I am weird for feeling relieved and happy being a janda. Sometimes I’ve tried to explain to them why I am happy. But they can’t relate. So I’m still a weirdo in their eyes.