I am a piece of shit


Voice of people screaming woke me up half an hour ago. Voices of two men, yelling to each other. A guy was trying to commit suicide with a pair of scissors and another guy tried to stop him. They were struggling on the concrete, at the parking lot next door.

I could hear him uttered with sobs: I am a piece of shit. I use drugs,  and become permanent user. No one like me. Every body hates me. I have no body. Let me cut myself. All I want is to die. Just let me die. Fucckkkkk!!! See my life, a piece of shit. I screwed up my life. And on and on and on.

Another guy tried to convince him there are people like him. He is a great guy. And on and on and on.

A girl was sitting next to them, crying.

After calling the police, I recall someone. I recall myself. I recall my Apple. I recall my parents and sisters. I recall people who love me. I feel very lucky. Every day I learn that for some people it is/was fucking hard to grow up. Somehow, we’re all damaged in our own way, aren’t we? I know that. I think we are all somewhat screwy, each one of us. I know that. 

I watched Life of Pi earlier this day. Pi’s saying struck me: “Even when God seemed to have abandoned me, he was watching. Even when he seemed indifferent to my suffering, he was watching. And when I was beyond all hope of saving, he gave me rest. Then he gave me a sign to continue my journey.

And yes, that’s how I feel about my life. Then I am very lucky. I really am. I know some people aren’t that lucky. And that makes me sad. Don’t we all deserve an equal amount of lucky-ness, that no one deserve to call him/her self as a piece of shit? Because no body is, I think. 

Ps. I called the police, talked with them on the phone and face to face. I hope they can find these people. I hope they can help that man.

2 thoughts on “I am a piece of shit

  1. I agree. I think each one of us are somewhat damaged. Difference is some explode, others implode. Some seek comfort, others wait. Life is hard, no one prepares you for it (that’s why I think Dancow’s campaign to make your kids “life-ready” is a load of crap – really? by giving them milk? really?).

    • Yes. I like that very much. Life is hard (it is beautiful, but hard – I agree). No one prepares you for it. Agree. And, I like it very much, a lot – “some seek comfort, others wait”. Yes. But perhaps, some just give up.

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