It also means a temporary or permanent dimming or cutting off of light. Which I had today. I was thinking to turn off the light instead of re-charging it or at least to turn power save mode: on. When your life is getting harder, then it is easy – almost shallow, way to turn your li(ve)ght off. It doesn’t even mean that I really want to turn the li(ve)ght off – it only means that I have more pain than I can cope with right now. It is a suicidal feeling, indeed. They say, when the pain becomes unbearable we need coping resource, or else it is easy for us to get this feeling. It is true. So true. So. True.

I call it re-charging: to talk with someone, to ask for hugs from someone, to call your closest people, to read your favourite poems/books, to listen your favourite sounds. What ever. Or, I also call it turning power save mode: on. That is to make our self numb. To give our self some distance. “I will wait 24 hours before I do anything.” I find sleeping is the best way to give our self some distance (and good rest too) or, crying (then after a long while I will get real numb feeling on my head and my face. Kesemutan).

I know What might be bearable to someone else, may not be bearable to me. Individuals vary greatly in their capacity to withstand pain. What ever of capacity to withstand pain rate measurement people would make, I prefer to call it e-c-l-i-p-s-e, eclipse. To refer to its definition, I believe it is just a temporary cutting off the light/dimming. Won’t be forever/permanent. Badai pasti berlalu. Life is set to be like that: for us to undergo hard times. I believe so.

Picture taken from here.


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