I took the following beautiful encouragement from Terapi untuk Berbaik Hati Terhadap Diri Sendiri (Be Good To Yourself Therapy) by Cherry Hartman (1998). I prefer to say “meditation” instead of “theraphy”. I keep practicing this meditation for myself, which has given me sort of peaceful 🙂
Trust yourself. You know what you want and need
Put yourself first. You can’t be anything for anybody else unless you take care of yourself.
Let your feelings be known. They are important.
Express your opinions. Its good to hear yourself talk.
Value your thinking. You do it well.
Take the time and space you need-even if other people are wanting something from you.
When you need something, don’t talk yourself out of it. Even if you can’t have it, its OK to need.
When you’re scared, let someone know. Isolating yourself when you’re scared makes it worse.
When you feel like running away, let yourself feel the scare. Think about what you fear will happen and decide what you need to do.
When you’re angry, let yourself feel the anger. Decide what you want to do: just feel it, express it or take some action.
When you’re sad, think about what would be comforting.
When you’re hurt, tell the person who hurt you. Keeping it inside makes it grow.
When you see someone else’s hurt face, breathe. You are not responsible for making people happy.
When you have work to do and you really don’t want to do it, decide what really needs to be done and what can wait.
When you want something from someone else, ask. You’ll be OK if they say no. Asking is being true to yourself.
When you need help, ask. Trust people to say no if they dont want to give.
When people turn you down, it usually had to do with them and not you. Ask someone what else for what you need.
When you feel alone, know there are people who want to be with you. Fantasize what it would be like to be with each of them. Decide if you want to make that happen.
When you feel anxious, let yourself know that in your head you’ve moved into the future to something scary and your body has gotten up the energy for it. Come back to the present.
When you want to say something loving to someone, go ahead. Expressing your feelings is not a commitment.
When someone yells at you, physically support yourself by relaxing into your chair or putting your feet on the floor. Remember to breathe. Think about the message they are trying to get across to you.
When you’re harassing yourself, stop. You do it when you need something. Figure out what you need and get it.
When everything seems wrong, you are overwhelmed and need some comfoting. Ask for it. Afterwards, you can think about what you need to do.
When you want to talk to someone new are are scared, breathe. Don’t start rehearsing, just plunge in. If it doesnt go well, you can stop.
If you’re doing something you don’t like to do (such as smoking or overeating- maybe restricting, purgeing, bingeing, burning, overexercising, cutting too?), STOP. Think about what you really want. If you’re stuck and can’t think clearly- talk out loud to someone.
When you can’t think straight, stop thinking. Feel.
When you’re in need of love, reach out. There are people who love you.
When you’re confused, it’s usually because you think you should do one thing and you want to do another. Dialogue with yourself out loud or on paper, or present both sides to a friend.
When you feel harried, slow down. Deliberately slow your breathing, your speech and your movements.
When you have tears, cry.
When you feel like crying and its not a safe place to cry, acknowledge your pain and promise yourself a good cry later. Keep your promise.
When somebody does you wrong, be actively angry with them.
When everything seems gray, look for color.
When you feel like a baby, take care of the baby in you.
When somebody gives you a gift, say “thank you.” That’s all you need to do. A gift is not an obligation.
When somebody loves you, just accept and be glad. Love is not an obligation. You don’t have to do anything in return.
If any of these rules seems wrong for you, talk about it with someone. Then rewrite it so it fits for you.
If I could I wanted to do bits of these theraphy.
Only if I could. To you.